Table of Contents
In this post, I’ll be discussing how I’ve never found it easy to relax, what ways in the past worked, and what I am currently doing to try and unwind, something especially important to me at the moment as I feel I am becoming more stressed due to increased sensitivity to PTSD triggers.
Naps and Meditation
My main issue with relaxing is that I struggle to turn down all the noise in my head, and if I am able to, I essentially turn into a potato. I end up not feeling better afterwards, instead feeling a combination of brain rot and fatigue. Naps, in particular, for some reason, always have me awaking feeling more tired and extremely dehydrated. As such, I know I need to seek out restorative rest, something that relaxes me in a more productive way than just simply emptying my mind and leaves me feeling crappy.
Despite multiple attempts, I cannot meditate in a standard normal way. My mind just wanders too much, and I know that when that happens I should just “bring my attention back to the breath”, but when you find yourself doing this every ten seconds, it gets tiring and frustrating. Rather, when I do listen to meditative sessions, I’m better at doing something else at the same time, such as filling in a nonogram or sudoku puzzle.
ASMR
In contrast, watching ASMR or Reiki centred content on another screen has been much more relaxing. As I wrote on my page linking to ASMR content, I do not experience the tingling sensation often associated with these types of sounds and visuals, but rather I find it just generally calming. With videos heavily focused on sound, it does just sound nice and makes my brain feel like it is getting a massage. Some videos feature people getting wonderful spa treatments, and as someone unable to access or experience these, I can briefly live vicariously and imagine how lovely it would be if it were me getting that treatment.
Reiki
Other videos have the person directly talking to you, either in a role-play setting or just as themselves. In these videos, it’s nice to feel someone sending you care, and I reach out for these videos when in distress as a means to calm down and make me feel better. Although I started watching such videos firmly in the ASMR genre, I have drifted into watching Reiki content where a lot of this personal attention of healing you is the focus of videos. I do not believe in Reiki, much less the idea that a video recorded two years playing back to me on YouTube is sending me healing energy to help cleanse my chakras or cutting the cords of energy vampires clinging on to me.
However, I don’t think I do need to believe to get a positive experience from watching the videos. Briefly suspending disbelief, playing pretend for twenty minutes that there is someone out there who sees you’re going through a tough time and wants to help by speaking kind words softly and moving crystals or singing bowls or incense isn’t the worst thing in the world. I often feel safe while watching these to let go of my emotions, slow my mind down a bit, and imagine how nice it would be if all this pseudoscience did work. It’s the closest thing I actually do get to being more meditative.
Other Options
I’ve also heard it say some gentle movement can be relaxing, and while I do yoga, I don’t find it particularly enjoyable. I do yoga because I have very tight muscles and my body physically feels better after doing yoga, but I don’t really like it. Then again, I don’t like doing any form of exercise as it always completely exhausts me, I end up with a headache, and have never experienced the post-exercise endorphins high others speak of. I do have a small bench for step aerobics, and I try to get a few minutes in each day to do at least some cardio, but not relaxing in the slightest. I have started drinking herbals teas, and while these are a good way to hydrate me, I don’t find them to be a particularly relaxing tool.
Before I had cats, I used to light incense and scented candles, but stopped doing this can be dangerous to them. I then moved my products into my bathroom for use during a bath, which I actually did find relaxing as I soaked with these dimmed lights, luscious scents, and some spa inspired music playing. However, I am currently living in a temporary location with no access to a bathtub, and I find showers to be extremely overstimulating and stressful, so I currently cannot find a way to bring this old source of relaxation back into my life.
When I am able to move, I plan to try and make my space as relaxing as possible. I want calming colours, simplicity, and opportunities to treat and pamper myself. Hopefully it won’t be much longer, but for now at least, I am glad I have YouTube videos to briefly take my mind to a safe and relaxing space.
Tags: WeblogPoMo2024 Mental Health